Communication breakdown

It would be an understatement to say that I've had my fair share of problems with iPods. In fact, I've gone through three in the last six months and I'm now awaiting a fourth. Usually, I would never stand for such a shoddy lifespan in another product, but alas, nothing else compares to an iPod. Nothing even stands close. Being a music junkie, I squirm in iPod withdrawal when I have to live a day without one. So I keep boxing up the faulty devices and shipping them back to the warehouse for a new one, no matter how frustrated I get.

I had mixed emotions after reading Ann Handley's post about the battle between her daughter's iPod shuffle and a washing machine at Marketing Profs: Daily Fix. I was relieved to know that her iPod emerged victorious after an inadvertent soak, but disheartened that the other iPod models don't stand up under lesser conditions (at least in my experience).

Apple could make a great campaign out of this story. I can just imagine spots with Maytag repair men or the tiny iPod silouhette bouncing around during the spin cycle while blasting the latest Fratellis song.

But it could only apply to shuffle ads. Unfortunately, iPod minis and nanos don't cut it when it comes to H2O.

I bought a new iPod nano around Christmas time after my mini stopped working without warning. While looking at the iPod support Web site, I was able to determine that my iPod's hard drive shut down. The Apple geeks apologetically told me that there was no remedy for my iPod's affliction...other than to get a new one, which I did.

The nano worked great...for about four months. On a damp April afternoon, I decided to go for my semi-weekly jog (one day I hope to say "daily" without fibbing). Eugene's April showers had ceased for the day, but a few puddles remained on the streets. I ran to the park and back, with my iPod inside my jacket pocket the entire time. I never would have hesitated to go outside with the iPod in those conditions; however, an hour or so after I returned, I docked the iPod into my speakers and found it unresponsive. No icons, no lights, no nothing. My computer didn't even recognize it. Mark this dead device #2.

I filled out all of the paperwork and sent it in for servicing. Luckily, Apple sent me a new nano, but not without a $30 shipping and handling fee. Frustrating yes, but as I've already said, I can't live without one.

A few weeks ago, iPod #3 shut down with the same symptoms. Completely unresponsive. The funny thing was, I'd never even taken this one outside. The iPod was playing in my room while I baked in the kitchen. My best guess is that iPods are allergic to the smell of banana bread. I filled out the paperwork for a second time, but even though Apple sent me the device less than a month ago, they were still going to charge me another $30 fee because they claimed I purchased it more than 6 months prior. Err, wrong again, Apple. YOU must have purchased it more than 6 months ago.

In a few days, Apple will send me another nano. It will most likely die on me. Will I send Apple an angry letter? Probably not. Will I stop buying their products? No, not unless Microsoft makes a better product (c'mon, have you seen this Zune thing? Ridiculous).

My iPod problems will most likely continue. The little things have a mind of their own. Although some models (like Ann's shuffle) hold up, other designs could use a little scrubbing.

Ironic...don't you think?

All of you upcoming graduates can look forward to this.

A derisive spoof on advertising stemming from Monster's "When I Grow Up" campaign...used as an intro to the ADDY awards? At least the brown nosing and dope smoking hasn't damaged their sense of humor.

Advice from the masters

Whenever I'm asked who my favorite writer is, I refuse to give a definitive answer.

The reason? I have two: Kurt Vonnegut and Ernest Hemingway. They both had the ability to convey so much by saying so little.

Asking me to choose between the two is like asking a 6-year-old to choose between cake and ice cream at a birthday party. The 6-year-old and I will both perplexedly respond, "Can't I have both?"

When I read my new favorite writing blog this morning, I was ecstatic to find an archived post about Hemingway's Top 5 Tips on Writing Well. I agree with author Brian Clark that there's no better figure for marketing writers to emulate. In the media industry, every line is money and space is limited.

Hemingway excelled at the challenge of writing an entire story in just six words:

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

He would be a modern copy editor's dream (it's short and sticky).

The one Hemingway tip I hadn't heard of is to be positive. If you're familiar with Hemingway's life (particularly the latter half), you're probably chuckling. What he meant was to carefully choose words that describe what something is, not what it isn't. If you tell your friend something is "painless," she will still focus on the word "pain." A better choice would be "comfortable."

The content of this post reminded me of Vonnegut's "How to Write with Style." Vonnegut, an author, reporter and pr practitioner; knows all about clear, stylistic writing.

Of the writer's tips:

• Find a subject you care about.
• Do not ramble, though.
• Keep it simple.
• Have the guts to cut.
• Sound like yourself.
• Say what you mean to say.
• Pity the readers.

The tip I have the most trouble with is the easiest to understand: find a subject you care about. If the subject of an assignment is boring, I usually turn in a boring assignment. To this, Vonnegut says:

"Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element in your style."

Hmm, I should probably revisit this advice more often. So it goes.

What do you think of their tips? Do you agree? Would you add anything else?

"Cocaine" PR: High on FDA disapproval

Whenever a product becomes trendy, leave it to a marketing nut to take the trend a bit too far. Then, leave it to a like-minded PR practitioner to blunder through the media backlash.

The most recent (and perhaps overexposed) of these cases is the frenzy surrounding Cocaine. No, not the hard, illegal drug that will drain your pocketbook; the illegal-sounding energy drink that only drains the already empty reputation of PR.

Many PR/Marketing blogs have condemned Redux Beverages, the drink’s producer, for the unethical name, as well as Redux’s decision to change the name after an FDA warning letter issued April 4.

In the letter, the FDA writes that Cocaine claims to be a dietary supplement, but it is also marketing itself as a street drug alternative. The FDA states that because of its association with recreational illegal drugs, Cocaine cannot be marketed as a supplement to the diet.

The FDA lists several slogans from Cocaine’s own Web site as examples of its “street drug alternative” marketing, including “speed in a can,” “liquid cocaine” and “the legal alternative.” The letter also notes the typography of the drink’s name on the can: “cocaine” spelled out in “white, granular writing.”

I checked the Cocaine site out of disbelief. Sure enough, I found remnants of these slogans (which were obviously edited after the letter), but I also found even more shocking material. The site also includes videos of the drink’s consumers and supporters, declaring themselves free speech advocates.

One of the videos features a young man who claims that Starbucks coffee contains more caffeine than Cocaine, but complains that it doesn’t suffer the same criticism. True, but last time I checked, Starbucks doesn’t sell “meth” frapuccinos or “heroin” au laits.

Another video on the site is a genuine documentary clip about the history of cocaine (the drug) and famous, historical figures who used it, such as Thomas Edison and Mark Twain. Hmm…what does this have to do with an energy drink?

Another clip features young, college-age boys in a mock-sitcom snorting white powder and pressuring friends to try it. One of the boys responds, “If it’s good enough for my friends, it’s good enough for me!” before ingesting a line. Fortunately, the boys offer a disclaimer at the end: you don’t have to get high on illegal drugs, you can also get wasted on beers! The energy drink is nowhere to be seen.

Despite all of the FDA criticism, Cocaine has many supporters: more than 8000 MySpace friends. In Cocaine’s MySpace blog, founder Jamey Kerby encourages these friends to save the drink by writing e-mails “telling us that you know our drink is not a drug and that you know that it is not intended to get you high (which it is not). It is an energy drink like all of the other energy drinks.” Sure, it’s like all the other drinks, so much so that it needs an irresponsible name to make a profit.

In the blog post, Kerby also addresses one of the infamous slogans: “the legal alternative.” He says, “Please take note that the phrase ‘The Legal Alternative’ is used to convey the message that our energy drink is an alternative way to be ‘cool’ without having to do illegal drugs or get high. We do not advocate drug use; that would not be responsible.”

Mr. Kerby, your site speaks for itself. If you want your product to ever see supermarket shelves, here’s my advice: change more than the name.